Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
