I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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