her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
