Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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