just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
