I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just puked most of my soul out..
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