I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
