I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
