Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
