my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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