Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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