you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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