You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
