Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
