The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
soo... how was my night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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