Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Send help, water and tortillas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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