I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
