I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Randomize
