You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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