No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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