the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you win again, gameday.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
