I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
