First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
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