three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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