it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
