remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
