i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
