I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
