K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
