so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
