so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
