you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
