The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
smell my finger.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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