Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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