I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
