he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
