you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We left an ass print on the piano.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
