Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
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