A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
