you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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