You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
