Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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