She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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