I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
