I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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