My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
