My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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