Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
