Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
