Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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