I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
